A Liturgy for Those Distressed by Intrusive Thoughts

Last year I had the honor of contributing a liturgy to Every Moment Holy, Vol III. (If you’re not familiar with the series, check it out at The Rabbit Room or Amazon.) I’m sharing it below. I hope this prayer gives you words to speak to God in the midst of a struggle that often makes prayer so much harder.

“A Liturgy for Those Distressed by Intrusive Thoughts”

Here I am again, O Lord,
crying out to you as these thoughts assail me,
tormenting me,
upending what I thought I knew.

I do not know why these particular thoughts are sticky.
Though they do not indicate my heart’s desire,
they have taken up residence in my mind
and filled my body with fear, a broken
record of “what ifs,”
an endless stream, unbidden,
unwanted, yet so hard to dismiss,
darkening and distorting my hope.

I am so tired of this.
Will you grow tired of me,
O you of endless patience?

How I want peace from this suffering,
that it would relent and give me rest.
But I cannot turn off my mind, and
I cannot escape this cycle of thoughts and fears
by mere brainpower.

You will not abandon me to these thoughts
or leave me to drown in anxiety.
You bid me come to you,
even as you draw close to me.

With each new thought,
may I take up anew your invitation
to come to you and find shelter
under your wing,
with as much confidence to come
as though each time were the first,
knowing you never tire to hear from your children,
no matter how repetitive our prayers.
You are not distressed by any thought,
no matter how dark, twisted, or false,
and neither are you scared or repulsed.

When my mind swirls
and fear consumes,
give me the endurance to keep on.
Even if the anxiety remains,
even if the worst-cases come true,
or the “what ifs” are proved right—
remind me that my hope is in you alone, Lord Christ.
My confidence is not in my own ability
to have a clear head,
a calm spirit, or a quiet mind,
but rather in you, the very
foundation of my confidence.
You are bigger than these fears and kinder
than these thoughts.
I can press deeper into this 
uncertainty because you are with me,
whether I feel you or not.

Armed with this truth, help me
take the next step,
moving outward from my inner chaos
toward others in love and service,
even as these thoughts scream for me to
pay attention to them instead.

As I choose to devalue these thoughts
and reject their hold on me,
help me to take the risk of being wrong,
O Christ, but let me rest in you,
for my doubts are no match
for your mercy.

May I trade this obsessing—
which I do to seek peace but
which never brings relief—
for a deeper trust in your kindness.
For though you may not dispel my fears,
they at least coincide
with your presence.

Amen.